Myself

"I am always here when you need me..."

That's what you tell me. But I know you're not.
Yet, that's okay because I can take care of myself.
I can handle myself.
I don't need your or anyone else's help.
I can be alone and can still be stable.
I can continue to fight internally.
I do not need your concern;
Nor your affection.
Nor your sympathy.
I am perfectly capable by myself.
I want you to forget about me.



P.S. One or more of these may be untrue.

Promise

Can you hear me?
I am calling for you.
My throat has gone coarse and dry.
My silent shriek burns.
The tremble of my fingers vibrate
And shake the delicate surface,
Of the irregular shaped droplets.

Can you see me?
I am madly waving my arms
The way we did in preschool
When we were so excited
To finally know.
Except now I twist.
And I writhe.
Burning in my own flames;

Can you feel me?
I am struggling to hold you in my arms.
You and everyone float further away.
I whimper.
I brush my fingers against yours
One last time.
You do not notice.

Oh, but do not fret, world.
I will smile for you.
I promise.

Cry

It's not about the food.
It's not about the blood.
It's not because it's cool.

It's because this world sucks.
It's because the world hurts.
It's because people set me up for failure.
It's because I have to pretend to be perfect.
It's because I want to be.

It's my cry for help.
Please hear me.

This made me happy.

All you need is love.
http://twe.ly/Adhb

Baby

This is new

I miss you more than I ever thought I would. I don't know what to do about it. Come back please.

Falling

She continues to writhe and tremble,
Her wrists twisting quietly.
Her mind trying to reassemble,
But her head shaking abhorrently.

Sobs escaping her mouth in gulps,
Threatening to strangle in its gasps.
Her cries for help locked in the vaults,
Behind her costumes and her masks.

You see, no one has known,
That she is not ever okay,
Never has she shown,
That her world is in disarray.

Everyone is in awe of her smiles and joy.
They are jealous of her apparent grace.
Unaware that she endlessly toys,
With the idea of leaving this place.

Every time someone laughs at her joke,
They do not see her raw longing.
To be the one to laugh, not choke,
On screams of relentless crying.

She is swallowed whole by the obscurity -
The last of her voice echoing off the wall.
And finger nails scraping helplessly,
As she is dragged off by her fall.

Do you ever...

Do you ever arrive somewhere after a long car ride and realize that you don't even remember getting there? As if you somehow went into hibernation mode and ceased to exist for those brief moments? That's what my life feels like. And worse, I think I like it better this way.

Just a little bit.

I'll wear that dress and you wear that tie and together we'll dance through the night

A goodbye is only there to take place until your next hello